I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
