I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
