During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
