Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
