Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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