conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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