i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
