god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize