dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
