I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
