don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
