is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
