but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize