is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize