it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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