he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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