I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
