just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
