Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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