M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
