dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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