This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
