Non-Jews are for practice
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
