This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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