Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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