it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
