3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Randomize
