My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
