ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
