dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
