Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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