sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
