Just cropdusted the office
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
