I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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