GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found your dick twin last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
