I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
