in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
