please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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