All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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