Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
