I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you traded sex for a burrito?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize