She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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