Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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