1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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