How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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