I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
