where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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