Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
