i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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