at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize