Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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