I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
