He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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