Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
