She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
