I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
