this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
