i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have aggressive nipples.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
