we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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