so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize