I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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