I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
