we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i've created a new STD.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
