You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
