i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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