so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
