i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize