I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
