i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
