Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
