ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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