I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
